Instructions not included
December 2009

Q. I finished University in June after three brilliant years. Rather than going back home I decided to stay on in Sheffield and get a job which I was quite excited about. Unfortunately, I’ve not found anything that interests me so I’m just doing a bit of bar work which means I’m finding it hard to pay the rent, let alone have money to enjoy myself. Only a few of my mates have stayed on with me, but things aren’t the same and we don’t see each other as much. I don’t want to go home as I feel like I’ll have failed but I’m just getting more and more miserable. I feel like I’m alone and don’t have any energy to change things. Should I stick it out or head home and live with my parents while I sort myself out?

THE PANEL

ALICE: Reader
Student, promoter, DJ and sensitive soul.

PHIL: Exposed Owner
Believes a positive mental attitude makes anything possible.

DR ZAK: Sheffield GP
Studied medicine in Sheffield and has a special interest in mental health

ALICE: Don’t give up! Leaving university is a scary and difficult time for many people especially during the credit crunch, but there are practical things you can do to help yourself. Take a trip to the careers department of your university, they are there to help graduates too and will be able to offer information on getting a job that really interests you as well as advice on the best way of getting on the career path you’ve always dreamt of. They can also help you spruce up your CV and brush up on those interview skills to give you the best chance of getting the job you want. Often when it feels like you’re stuck in a rut you can be left feeling tired and miserable, but by taking action one small step at a time you will begin to feel more positive and in turn more energetic. As for your friends, sometimes we have to accept that relationships change. If Sheffield is still the place you want to be despite this then stay, but if you decide it isn’t there is no shame in taking some time out back at home to re-evaluate.

PHIL: There are never any easy answers in these situations – but the most important thing you can do is whatever decision you make, do it with a positive outlook. Maybe Sheffield isn’t the place for you and heading home will give you the fresh start you need. But if that’s the path you choose, don’t think of it as a failure or returning with your tail between your legs, think of it as a new challenge and a whole heap of opportunities.

And if you decide to stay, you need to do so with renewed gusto rather than letting the situation drag you down. It may feel scary at the moment, but in time, you’ll see that this is an incredibly exciting time, giving you the chance to choose an exciting future for yourself.

DR ZAK: You’ve completed your university course - this is an achievement. You now have some choices to consider. Things may not be working out as you planned but all is far from lost. Sometimes it’s not just the situation we find ourselves in that makes us feel miserable, it can also be the meaning that we place on it - like thinking we’ve failed. So, try not to be too hard on yourself.

At a time like this doing more things you enjoy may make you feel better and give you more energy. Doing less usually has the opposite effect. What can you do to give yourself a better chance of getting the job you want? Learning new skills or gaining experience may help and you’ll meet new people, which will boost your confidence. Many people find it reassuring and helpful to talk these things through with someone they trust - a friend or professional advisor. You may decide that going home is a better option, if so, view this as a positive step. Speak to your GP if you’re having problems sleeping, eating, feeling tired all the time, or if you make positive changes and don’t improve. If you are getting a bit depressed there are some really helpful things your GP might suggest, such as taking regular exercise, computer self-help and books to read, and there are also talking treatments available.